Shove a stick up my ass and call me corndog…
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Showing posts with label random writings and strange thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random writings and strange thoughts. Show all posts
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
bound to piss someone off....
Breast cancer stamps
BUY EM
LICK EM
SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF SOME SWEET TITTIES.
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Perfect BP invitation
(I was digging through some old documents trying to find my resume for updating and came across this little nugget for a friend's bp 4-5 years ago...)
Dear Friends,
There comes a time for payback, and it is upon us. Raise your hand if you can say yes to this question - has G ever pissed you off? Of course he has, and because we love him and because he's been such a little wanker about this whole thing, he must suffer the very consequences that many of us have suffered in the past at the expense of our friends.
The latest plan for G's Bachelor Party is to meet this Saturday the 26th at R's house at 25XX Wrightsboro Rd at 10:00. Be alert for possible changes in the details. We hope to keep these to a minimum. R's house is next to the State Farm office at the corner of Wrightsboro and Monte Sano. Parking is available in the State Farm parking lot, Gun Cabinet parking lot, or on Raymond and Glenn. You enter R's house from the rear (perfect I know) by walking down the alley between his house and the State Farm office.
R, T, and I will be responsible for getting G there around 10:30. Others will arrange for the "talent". G knows nothing about this and it should stay that way. He's done so much bitching about this that it MUST happen and it MUST be kept from him. As far as he knows, the "guys" are taking him downtown after the little cocktail party for him and his beloved earlier Saturday night.
We are asking that everyone attending the party contribute $20 for the talent and bring with them something to drink that might be shared by all. Other recreationals are optional and at the discretion of the individual.
All our love,
The G N Bachelor Party Committee
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Dear Friends,
There comes a time for payback, and it is upon us. Raise your hand if you can say yes to this question - has G ever pissed you off? Of course he has, and because we love him and because he's been such a little wanker about this whole thing, he must suffer the very consequences that many of us have suffered in the past at the expense of our friends.
The latest plan for G's Bachelor Party is to meet this Saturday the 26th at R's house at 25XX Wrightsboro Rd at 10:00. Be alert for possible changes in the details. We hope to keep these to a minimum. R's house is next to the State Farm office at the corner of Wrightsboro and Monte Sano. Parking is available in the State Farm parking lot, Gun Cabinet parking lot, or on Raymond and Glenn. You enter R's house from the rear (perfect I know) by walking down the alley between his house and the State Farm office.
R, T, and I will be responsible for getting G there around 10:30. Others will arrange for the "talent". G knows nothing about this and it should stay that way. He's done so much bitching about this that it MUST happen and it MUST be kept from him. As far as he knows, the "guys" are taking him downtown after the little cocktail party for him and his beloved earlier Saturday night.
We are asking that everyone attending the party contribute $20 for the talent and bring with them something to drink that might be shared by all. Other recreationals are optional and at the discretion of the individual.
All our love,
The G N Bachelor Party Committee
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Until my ship came in, I was obliged to...
do what I always do, make the best out of my situation,
no matter how bad it seemed.
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
no matter how bad it seemed.
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
About e-Bum
e-Bum is The World's Online Marketplace®, enabling trade of the homeless on a local, national, and international basis. With a diverse, passionate, and seemingly endless, cheap supply of soiled individuals, e-Bum offers an online platform where millions of grimy souls are traded each day.
THE COMPANY
Read the company overview, meet the vagabond executive team, and view our new 2007 beefcake calendar:
Soup Line Studs
COMMUNITY
Learn how shared values and lively panhandling from our Community of users make e-Bum better for everyone.
TRUST AND SAFETY
Read about the tools and resources e-Bum provides to enable safe begging.
ARMY VETERAN
Will scratch myself for food. Please help and god bless you.
SPONSORS
Visit Hoboes-R-Us, Spare Dime, Spare Quarter, Spare Dollar, and Beg.com.
INVESTOR RELATIONS
Obtain financial information including pennies earned, cigarette butts smoked, and more fun facts in our annual report.
JOBS
Explore current career opportunities in the custodial arts at e-Bum and Beg.Com.
CONTACT INFORMATION
Find out where our offices are located (Any downtown park, outside convenience stores, and, yes, liquor stores.)
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
The truth comes in strange disguises...
late night
late life
literary hook-up
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
late life
literary hook-up
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
the water people
You know them
always drinking their water
a little plastic
bottle never farther
than their
stubby arms can reach
drink drink my
little lemmings
you're still gonna dessicate
and decay in the grave...
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
always drinking their water
a little plastic
bottle never farther
than their
stubby arms can reach
drink drink my
little lemmings
you're still gonna dessicate
and decay in the grave...
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Jesus is my fossil fuel
I know that there was something important to put here, but I can't remember just what it is any more. Down a darkened road
the fear shows through
the wind blows and the overcast sky is swollen with rain about to cry
all coming down now as time goes by I forget why,
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Monday, June 12, 2006
side saddle
Recently I've begun sitting on the toilet
side saddle
just to break things up a bit,
so to speak.
After 42 years of sitting like
the number 2 I decided it
might be fun to change things up.
I had a chulupa for lunch
about an hour ago
so I may have to
spice things up even further:
Tonight, reverse cow girl!
As ever,gentle reader,
I'll keep you posted.
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
side saddle
just to break things up a bit,
so to speak.
After 42 years of sitting like
the number 2 I decided it
might be fun to change things up.
I had a chulupa for lunch
about an hour ago
so I may have to
spice things up even further:
Tonight, reverse cow girl!
As ever,gentle reader,
I'll keep you posted.
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
pO-eT-icKs
pO-eT-icKs
bum, bet-ticks
its all in my heads
these fast tricks
stand down
cause I am
frene-ticks
and I'll bust one
loose in your
pathetics
Cause I am full
of hustle and Joe
don't stop my flow
I know
and you know
I know,
ya know?
so don't talk
just gawk
and listen to my
bell-ow
I'm not looking for
your applause to make a show
and hear later
about how much
I feel moved.
Sitting there
stone-faced.
I'll go one step further
I don't think you're
looking to be moved
or feel anything
either.
You only want an
echo
the sound of your
own puny voice
reflected back
to you
for all to hear
so force- full
so proud,
so amazingly singular
so loud.
Bouncing off the buildings
bouncing off the walls
so astounding
that no one,
not one
single person
in the whole history
of this
goddamm stupid fucking race
(excuse me "races")
has ever
thought,
written,
spoken the words
that drop from my (your)
mouth
at this very moment
like pearls (right now)
into a
pig pen of self-desire (plop).
And I should have ended right there
Yes, and be done, my friends,
tight
concise
poetic
bom diddie
bom diddie
bom diddie
bom
but nooooooooooooooooo
I am full
of rhyme and poetry
the recorder has
plenty of tape
and my allotted 5 minutes
are only half done
so no
I'll go on
and on
and continue to
thrill to the sound of
my own voice
to mine own
voice be true
If only to
impress the tits
next to me
if only to
air out my tonsils
if only to
keep my place
in the poetic lunch line
(mmm shepherds pie).
If only
on the off chance
that next week
someone in the coffee
shopmight possibly recognize
the sound of my voice
"de-caff soy chai latte, please."
"Say, aren't you that POET
who writes fake poems?"
And I'll say,
"Uh-no, you must have me confused
with someone who cares..."
I have a heart full of hate
for you
and you
and most especially
y
o
u
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
bum, bet-ticks
its all in my heads
these fast tricks
stand down
cause I am
frene-ticks
and I'll bust one
loose in your
pathetics
Cause I am full
of hustle and Joe
don't stop my flow
I know
and you know
I know,
ya know?
so don't talk
just gawk
and listen to my
bell-ow
I'm not looking for
your applause to make a show
and hear later
about how much
I feel moved.
Sitting there
stone-faced.
I'll go one step further
I don't think you're
looking to be moved
or feel anything
either.
You only want an
echo
the sound of your
own puny voice
reflected back
to you
for all to hear
so force- full
so proud,
so amazingly singular
so loud.
Bouncing off the buildings
bouncing off the walls
so astounding
that no one,
not one
single person
in the whole history
of this
goddamm stupid fucking race
(excuse me "races")
has ever
thought,
written,
spoken the words
that drop from my (your)
mouth
at this very moment
like pearls (right now)
into a
pig pen of self-desire (plop).
And I should have ended right there
Yes, and be done, my friends,
tight
concise
poetic
bom diddie
bom diddie
bom diddie
bom
but nooooooooooooooooo
I am full
of rhyme and poetry
the recorder has
plenty of tape
and my allotted 5 minutes
are only half done
so no
I'll go on
and on
and continue to
thrill to the sound of
my own voice
to mine own
voice be true
If only to
impress the tits
next to me
if only to
air out my tonsils
if only to
keep my place
in the poetic lunch line
(mmm shepherds pie).
If only
on the off chance
that next week
someone in the coffee
shopmight possibly recognize
the sound of my voice
"de-caff soy chai latte, please."
"Say, aren't you that POET
who writes fake poems?"
And I'll say,
"Uh-no, you must have me confused
with someone who cares..."
I have a heart full of hate
for you
and you
and most especially
y
o
u
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Friday, June 09, 2006
found scrawled (drunkenly) on a scrap of paper at the bottom of my briefcase
Take a look
up in the sky
and know that
I am there
The stars are
inside my eyes
shining down
on you always
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Saturday, May 13, 2006
random quotes
"If you can't take a joke,
don't marry one...."
"Got to keep an eye on those sorority boys,
I don't like their look..."
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
don't marry one...."
"Got to keep an eye on those sorority boys,
I don't like their look..."
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Monday, April 03, 2006
Friday, March 31, 2006
Where's Mr. Whipple when you need him?
Why don't they make toilet paper brown?
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
..
From the bedroom
to the bathroom
and back.
I lack most
everything except
a guilty conscience.
I hate my life
and can't excuse my hype
until it all gets a head of me
it's just more of the same
bitches, cunts, and whores
on and on with their
issues until
I can't even
look in the face of tomorrow.
Try to fly right and
do what's expected
but you end up
paying the cost
by so many who
won't do the right
so what the fuck
Machiavelli was right
who cares anymore
anyway
I am so fucking tired right now
even as it is my own stupid fault
I'm pretty much worn out
and goddam exhausted from it all.
Had to get up in the middle of that last sentence,
my head pounding, and replace the ink
cartridge in my pen and then
come back to this pad
and write to try
andf survive among
the bitches of my life.
You know what,
it's just not worth it.
I can count on one hand the number of guys I know who have tried to fuck me over
The number of bitches is legion.
I don't know if its because of their black souls
or their biological makeup, I don't really know.
Except for the fact that
other than poking them with your stick
you sure as hell don't want to
lie down with their rattlesnake asses.
Eve wasn't tempted in the garden,
she was the snake.
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
to the bathroom
and back.
I lack most
everything except
a guilty conscience.
I hate my life
and can't excuse my hype
until it all gets a head of me
it's just more of the same
bitches, cunts, and whores
on and on with their
issues until
I can't even
look in the face of tomorrow.
Try to fly right and
do what's expected
but you end up
paying the cost
by so many who
won't do the right
so what the fuck
Machiavelli was right
who cares anymore
anyway
I am so fucking tired right now
even as it is my own stupid fault
I'm pretty much worn out
and goddam exhausted from it all.
Had to get up in the middle of that last sentence,
my head pounding, and replace the ink
cartridge in my pen and then
come back to this pad
and write to try
andf survive among
the bitches of my life.
You know what,
it's just not worth it.
I can count on one hand the number of guys I know who have tried to fuck me over
The number of bitches is legion.
I don't know if its because of their black souls
or their biological makeup, I don't really know.
Except for the fact that
other than poking them with your stick
you sure as hell don't want to
lie down with their rattlesnake asses.
Eve wasn't tempted in the garden,
she was the snake.
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Saturday, March 25, 2006
....
yogurt,
yeast,
and other delicious cultures
DOCTORS
love
Nurses
who smoke
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Monday Night Drunkball
A new reality show to get us through the dead
season until it begins anew...
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
pop your own...
Talking with Art Bender earlier today and
he whipped out his
latest catch phrase:
"pop your own hood"
while you're at it,
pop your own trunk
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
he whipped out his
latest catch phrase:
"pop your own hood"
while you're at it,
pop your own trunk
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Luge strategy
Lie flat and
try not to die
Sleep on the porch
sleep on the sofa
same result
my coffin, my couch
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
try not to die
Sleep on the porch
sleep on the sofa
same result
my coffin, my couch
© Copyright 2006 Shroud Press
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